Explanation

So there are a number of reasons why I have not been around at all for a while, something that you guys might don’t know about.

Since last time I’ve lost count on the amount of anxiety attacks I’ve had and I’ve been reached to with information I really did not need to know. I’ve been told just to leave things behind and how I’m not doing it right despite the fact that I am a deeply emotional person. I don’t normally let people in on a personal level because I honestly am tired of getting hurt or left. Which is why I tend to keep things more to myself  now. This summer I have been working with social information services, giving me something else to think about during the days, but sometimes even that is not enough to keep my mind from thinking.

I have been dropping this bomb of that I’ve got a constant ongoing war anxiety attacks and depression to a a very tiny and selected group of people that despite what happened, have never left me. I feel more fragile than ever now when they now but I just couldn’t keep that aside anymore. 

Sometimes all of these emotions just shuts me down and leaves me blank and shivering

Eversince the increased tension in Europe and in the US, I’ve also – maybe not the best desicion for my own sake – started to follow people I used to talk to and checking out how it works out in their region and how it affects their lives. Something that semi regularly throws me down the memory lane, something that due to those memories I on occasion fall asleep crying from. And this a message to you, the few people Ive opened up to, I haven’t blocked you anywhere despite how deeply I let you in it how I hurt I got in the end.

But since last time I’ve also managed to do the following, get once again back on the platforms I’ve been a constant member,  administrators and Co owners of. I’ve moved on to more deeper studies and as we speak I am taking overlapping classes – in one of which I am in an assignment with someone from across the country, Belgium and Germany. I have also recieved better offers on things that influence my life on a residential and economical level and last but not least, I’ve also gotten back to recordings and I’ve drastically specified my search and preparations of living abroad to just a few locations.

So to you who are reading this, thank you so much for your understanding and feel free to stick around or contact me if there is anything you would like to know. To you who I decided to dedicate parts of this post to, I will never forget but that doesn’t matter I’m still concerned. And to you all who have been around for a while, thank you so much for sticking around – you are the new main motivation to why I am doing this. 

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