Reset

I’ve made the decision to reset myself, I need to start over from scratch. I have no intentions of doing what feels best for everyone and I can’t stand living like this or live with who I am right now. I keep being tossed between instances of happiness and ever longer lasting anxiety, but most of the time… I am just numb. I can’t even see where I am in life, I can’t see where I am supposed to go and I can’t see why.

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Please help me

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For a month or two ago now, I have been struggling to take things into my own hands and do something about it, without success. I don’t know how to do it, I don’t know how to take the step to complete the assignment I was given. I don’t know how I will be able to do it as I don’t even know where to start, or how to start. Every night I feel like I know I should be doing something about it, and every night it is getting worse. I can’t stand this anymore. I need a reset. I have decided to draw myself back now, back to where I come from, back down under ground and cry for help until I can’t move anymore. Memories brought back to the surface, mixed with current problems and the well known demons that never really seems to leave me. Please just leave me alone, I want to have a normal life and build something out of the crumbles I’ve got left in my hands. But with all of these things constantly presence, I am unable to… I am ready to give up fighting and ready to accept that they will always be there.

I have learned a few things;

  • I don’t longer need to try to finish of the assignment of seeking a more permanent contact, I have to do it.
  • The few close friends I still have left are there for me at any given time.
  • I have a family that really cares for me and respects me in what I feel is right for me and my future
  • I have (supported – I might add) ambitions of getting far away from here to gain experience, focus on myself, my studies and social life.

And lastly

  • I have a dream location of where I would love to live from anywhere from a month or two up to  a year or maybe more, and I won’t give up until I get there. I have felt like this for years, and gaining support from my family in that really makes that my goal for now and I won’t give up until I get there.
I am so sorry for my long absence and I can’t assure I will be back with this either, but it is a start and an explanation to my absence…
I’m sorry and forgive me, if you know anywhere to go or ideas on how to tackle it, please let me know.
There are a few people that will always mean something to me, some of you might know it, some of you might not. And to You who read this who knows You’ve been a close part of my life, please take this as a Thank You and I hope We can talk again soon, if you want..
Blessed be
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