So I was cooking myself some dinner just about now and I went back into the living room and saw that I had a phone call that I’ve missed, as I am still getting used to my new phone. Anyway, When I saw it I just started sweat a lot, literally soaking and cold. I instantly got a really hard time breathing and I felt like someone was choking me, I started to cough and I lost balance. I tried to lie down on the bed but it didn’t work. I had just finished preparing my dinner and it now stood there and started to slowly getting cold. I thought that this was a symptom of my body being nervous and hungry so I went back into the kitchen, I barely made it there until my eyesight went all fuzzy and I managed to put the pan in water to cool it down and put the plate on the table before I stumbled into the bathroom and literally collapsed. Just wanted to throw up, do needs or just sit in the shower…
I ended up just sitting on the floor with then gag reflexes constantly reminding me of themselves, the invisible chokehold around my neck tightened and the eyesight just blurred out even more and I just sat there, feeling like disappearing when the tears kept streaming down my face. I don’t know how long it took, I can’t remember anything of it, other than that I am in this writing moment just having this feeling of wanting to disappearing. I am definitely taking a long walk or a bike ride outside later on tonight in the cool air just to empty my head. I have gotten myself into this, I will have to face many inner demons, but it’s in motion and I want to go through with this… I am just not sure how able I will be doing it, but I will give it a shot.
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