I don’t really know what I am doing here, why was I placed here.
It just feels like I am unable to put things straight with everything,
And yet I feel like I’ve done something good and that I have the power to change it.
It is scary and relieving at the same time.
This Monday is the big day for me, I will receive a phone call.
A phone call of great personal importance to me.
A phone call that might start a new chapter in my life.
A phone call from someone who is willing to help, and talk about my life.
My life as it is, how it will change how I look at things and getting to know myself.
I am sitting here on a fence, on a fog svept street, embraced by the cool air in the evening thinking, just thinking of why I was put here. Why I am who I am and if I really want to change it. As the piano music in my ear fades as I zone out on the spot, images in film noir style flashes before my eyes. I feel calm, I know I am alone, but after phone calls with close ones and people I care about, I know I am well respected and appreciated. I know I am one of a kind and that’s who I am. I am far off perfect, some people call me a freak, some people an angel, I am who I am. No matter how much I have the urge to cry, just fall asleep and never get up in the morning or how much I feel like I don’t belong here, I feel… acceptance.
Acceptance for who I am, acceptance for my body and my mind.
I feel calm, easy and yet more sad and proud at the same time.
It makes me want to cry, and yet it makes me smile…
The presence of the anxiety lingers deep down…
I’ve found myself, I’ve found peace…
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