Tired

*NOTE*
It’s been a while since I wrote on here the last time, and I have said many times that I will be more active.
Now I think I’ve found a reason to write, I will write to have a few of the people around me updated on
how I feel and everything. That way, you will be updated about my situation whenever you want.

The past week has not been the best, I keep getting more and more tired, I can’t focus in class,
I keep having wishes to just disappear a cry my eyes out, spend more and more time hollow,
emotionless, and drain of physical and mental energy. I just want to end all of this, to end
all of my days of desperation, inability to focus, until I don’t have any more tears to shed and I
eventually get back to a relatively normal state.

It’s even gone to that state where I’ve wanted to skip classes and hurt myself.
I haven’t skipped any classes but I have had extreme cravings of self harm and escaping.
Some people say that I am childish and immature, keep falling back to that, keep wishing to disappear,
but you don’t get the picture, it’s much harder than that, you have to experience it to understand.

I also miss you a lot, I have craving feelings for you and to meet up again on top of that.
I keep looking for flights because I want to see you again and just be myself for once again.
I don’t care what the price is at that point, I want to do it, I need to do it, all I want is to be myself,
to get away from everything here, to just recover and to be with you as well.
At this point the price is just under 4 000 SEK and I don’t care about that, I can afford it and I really
want to, I NEED to get away.

Please, let it all end…
Or help me to manage…

Music helps me, my friends supports me, you keep my heart beating.
Music keeps me sane and friends keeps me alive, thank you all.

I will update this often so you can follow how I am.

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